The extreme cold this winter has been literally breathtaking. I have stepped outside to walk my dog and found myself uncomfortable within seconds, my shoulders contracting and my breath shortening as I duck my chin down into my scarf to cover my nose and mouth. These are the times I remember a dear friend who lived year-round in Burlington, Vermont telling me "Hannah, you really just have to relax into the cold." At the time, we were walking through the streets of Florence, Italy on our semester abroad and I was realizing that Italy DID get cold in winter and that the houses were not heated like I was used to back in Baltimore, Maryland. I had slept cold, woke up cold, and I was walking cold. I was so uncomfortable that I was cursing at the cold. My friend told me to take a deep breath, stretch my arms up, and interlace my fingers behind my head like I was lying on a beach in Hawaii. I thought he was nuts, but after some practice, his tactics did make me feel better.
I've needed to remind myself about this principle of deeping my breath and relaxing into discomfort as I've become a student again at the age of 37 and am struggling to finance my education and make time for coursework amidst my life as a teacher. In the last months of 2017, as I was going through this exciting, but agonizing process, I came across the poem "Affirmations" by Eve L. Ewing. The first line of which is:
"Speak this to yourself
until you know it is true.
I believe that I woke up today
and my lungs were working,
my voice can sing and murmur and ask,
The poem hung out with me for weeks as I doubted myself and studied remedial high school math in preparation for my GRE exams. Because I am planning to study speech language pathology, the lines felt like they were urging me on and telling me: Hey, it's not that dire. You are still breathing! You've got a voice. People need help finding their voices. Keep the faith. The final lines of the poem returned me to a bigger picture outlook and bathed me in gratitude each time I read them:
"....I believe that the sun shines
if not here, then somewhere.
Somewhere it rains,
and things will grow green and wonderful.
Somewhere inside me, too, it rains,
and things will grow green and wonderful.
Sometimes my insides rain from the inside out.
And then I know
I am alive
I am alive
I am alive."
I was alive and I knew inside of me things were growing green and wonderful even as tears of frustration pooled in the creases of my eyes.
Exam day came and I made my way through as expected - scoring way above average in verbal, below average in math (but with far more correct answers than I would have anticipated given my 22-year absence from the subject,) and right on target for analytical reasoning. I ended the year applying to study the undergraduate prerequisite courses I'll need to have before I apply for a graduate school program next fall. It was an intense time preparing me for what I anticipate will be a continued period of intensity and transformation over the next few years.
I'm looking forward to recording new meditations in 2018, knowing that I'll be simultaneously studying about the mystery of the human voice and the process of communication as I record them. This month, I wanted to share a really simple breath-awareness practice that provides guidance for relaxing your body, becoming aware of the natural flow of your breath and quietly being with your experience. The practice can be done seated or reclining. Use this practice to remember the precious gift of breathing and to affirm: you are alive, you are alive, you are alive.
The practice of yoga nidra is a touchstone for me when autumn rolls around because it allows me to practice what is happening in nature - a deep letting go. This practice is designed to help you relax deeply while also planting an intention deep into your subconscious. This intention can guide you through the days and weeks ahead. Prepare by finding a comfortable position lying down where you will be warm during the practice. This 23-minute guided relaxation and visualization was recorded outdoors at the Vale de Moses Retreat Center in Portugal - May 2016. It will have the sounds of water and birds in the background and in a few instances some audio distortion from the wind.
A few years ago, my life had begun to feel stale. I was terrified of what it would take to make changes and move forward. I didn't think I had the resources to make a new reality work. This practice became a touchstone. This practice may help you if you are struggling with moving forward in your life due to overwhelm, anxiety or fear. It tests the assumption that you do not have enough time/money/skills/talent/support to make things work out. During the 15-minute practice, you will learn Ganesha mudra (hand gesture used to focus your attention) and will work with the mantra (phrase for focusing your attention) "I am Enough." Because there is movement with your hands and arms during this practice, you will find it more natural to be seated in an upright position. The practice concludes with a chime.
We can cultivate courage by meeting suffering with a caring and detached awareness. In this practice, we counter reactions to difficulty that lead us to distract/numb ourselves and to over-consume/burn out. During the 15-minute practice, you will learn a breathing technique to anchor within your own body and how to offer up any suffering that you do not know what to do with. You may be seated or lying down for the practice. The practice concludes with a chime.
This guided meditation is especially relevant if you are having trouble arriving in the moment. Use it to begin embracing the time and place that you are in and to remember all that you are. During the 12-minute practice, you may sit or recline. You will use your senses to welcome the environment you are in and connect with your breathing. You will also use the anchoring phrase (mantra) “I am Here.” The practice concludes with chimes.
The premise of this meditation is to find feelings of gratitude in the midst of difficult circumstances. It is especially relevant if you feel like things are falling apart and you’re losing sight of the good. The 17-minute practice offers guided body and breath awareness leading into a visualization that concludes with a meditation on gratitude while holding the powerful Lakshmi/lotus mudra (hand gesture used to help you focus and harness your mental energy.) You may find it easier to stay alert and to hold the mudra while seated comfortably with your back supported, however, this meditation can also be done lying down.
The premise of this meditation is to see yourself in others and others in yourself - it is especially helpful if you are struggling with forgiving yourself or forgiving another person. During the 20-minute practice, you may be seated or lying down. You will experience progressive relaxation through seven points of energy that rest along on your spine (chakras) and you will embody the practice of loving-kindness (metta) through a visualization. The practice concludes with a chime.
This 14-minute guided practice highlights ways to become more aware of your breath as an anchor for your focus during meditation. Visual imagery and body sensations are used to encourage a sense of appreciation and gratitude for each breath that you take during the practice.
This 17-minute guided practice includes breathing techniques, visualizations of the ocean, and an introduction to the phrase SO HAM. SO HAM comes from the Sanskrit language and can be translated "I am that." It is a powerful mantra (a meaningful phrase that one repeats to aid concentration and focus while meditating.) The SO HAM mantra is called the mantra of the breath because it can be heard within each cycle of breath (inhale/exhale.)
Prepare for this meditation by finding a comfortable seat, or lying down. This 13-minute Practice will include a guided body scan/relaxation followed by cues to become more aware of your breath and focus on the pauses and spaces between breaths.
I get tired when I don't take time every day to stop, breathe and listen. The recordings offered here are guided soundtracks designed to help you take a mental time out and reset.